After Swimsuit Shopping

After swim suit shopping the air outside is bright and imposing.
After swim suit shopping I have never loved my jeans more.
Back in my car , my Pilot  feels safe and non-judgmental.  It accepts me, it smells like my stuff, it's appearance stays relatively the same.
Unlike my reflection in the dressing room mirror.  It is not safe. It is condemning, accusing , painful. And it does change, more so in the last few years than ever.
After swimsuit shopping every woman around me seems beautiful in her skin. Their thighs big or small are fitter than mine.  They seem aware that swimsuit season is around the corner and are able to go about their life just fine today.
I spend the next couple of hours contemplating why in the world we as women feel compelled to wear something equivalent to underwear for three months out of the year, in front of God and the whole world?  Who ever decided this was okay? If it wasn't for swimsuits I could feel good about my exercise routine and about the bread I like to eat.
After 35 are we really expected to have flat tummies and firm thighs? Really? Because if we all did, wouldn't a lot of good activities be neglected in exchange for having a body that can wear underwear in front of our neighbors unashamedly.  What is more important, making a life or making a perfect body?
After swim suit shopping I want to find significance in something whole , something unchanging .
After swim suit shopping I want to write something good and be aware of my creative side , and not think about my back side anymore.

pots and pans ( Written in Feb, just now brave enough to post)

Today my middle daughter started banging on pots and pans with utensils when she heard me and my older daughter arguing in my bedroom.  I stupidly shouted at her " Stop that, I can't hear myself!"  The argument heated up and turned into one of those that go down into the books but you wish you could forget forever.  My screaming made all the kids cry and  made my oldest scream louder.  I was a horrible role model and felt empty and sad all night.  I ask everyone for forgiveness and told my middle daughter that I would listen to her clue next time she started banging on pots and pans.  Love middle kids for this.
All my children sweetly granted me their forgiveness and I pleaded with Jesus for more that night while in bed. I felt like he held me. ( Kirby was out of town, thus the screaming would never have happened also showing my lack of self control without another adult in the house )  Pots and Pans sound way better than a screaming Mama.

Being New

Being New

When your  new, everything is a bit foggy and overly serious.
When you walk in a room it's a blur of people. You smile and make small talk but try to go about your business feeling as though your being watched the whole time.
When your new it's hard to laugh easily. Conversation feels forced and when you leave you feel tired.
When your new and you do something clumsy, it's not funny like when you are among old friends.
Embarrassing is just plain embarrassing and nothing else to it. It's similar to being in grade school and  tripping down the stairs or falling our of your chair. People snicker at you , but not with you.
Sometime though, after you've been new for awhile, all of a sudden you realize you aren't.
The faces of the people are clearer. Their smiles are easy, and so is yours.  You have a spot to sit and are familiar enough to speak , even when no one is speaking to you.  Your personality begins to seep out, on it's own.
Your shoulders are relaxed because if you do something embarrassing, it will actually be funny.

I am writing this after about 6 weeks of attending Jazzercise.  Today I realized I wasn't new anymore, and it felt really great.

The Art of Keeping Your Friendships Alive

The Art of Keeping Your Friendships Alive

I just found this article I had written for our local paper when I lived on Padre Island. I still think it holds true but need to revise to fit our Austin life.  I sure miss all our peeps down on the Coast!

Timeless sayings; “When things calm down, let’s do lunch” or “We are so busy, we don’t have time for anything!”

We have time for whatever we want to have time for. Those lunches with friends or family barbeques we talk up with one another, don’t happen as much as we all would like or need. Communication, support and plain old friendship in the everyday are lacking in our hustle bustle lives. How do we make this work with different schedules and family routines? I think the answer lies in adding the people you really want around you, into your daily life. Figuring out how to do life with them.

This is natural and easy with family members. I don’t worry about my guest bathroom (or in my case the kid/guest bathroom) when my sister stops by. But, my sister doesn’t stop by, because she doesn’t live here. The anxiety over a clean house and perfect appetizers make including other people in our lives a bit tricky.

Because many of us out here on the island live away from close relatives, the need for friendship is vital to our wellbeing. Wouldn’t it be nice to know that on Wednesdays your favorite friends were coming over with food, no matter what? Or, that Fridays are always cookout nights with neighbors. Once we get over “My house needs to look a certain way and my schedule needs to be totally cleared in order to have guests for dinner”, life will get a lot more fun.

Don’t let the carpool line be the only time you see your friends! Embrace sharing a meal with another family. Let the kids destroy the bedrooms while the adults laugh. When all is said and done, the reprieve each person receives from relaxing and being with others is priceless.

Life on the island lends itself to sharing life with one another because we are all a hop, skip and maybe a bike ride away from one another. Therefore, don’t get stuck every night within the walls of your house in front of your television. Eat together, share; let others into your every day.

More than a Guys Fishing Trip or a Girls Shopping Weekend, it would be therapeutic for us all to witness other peoples’ messy kitchens and unsparkly bathrooms and share a meal. Instead of saying, “It’s been so crazy; when everything settles down we need to catch up.” How about, “Life is sure crazy, can’t wait to see you Tuesday and hang out with your family!”

Keep on Keeping on, the Beauty is in the Simple Every Day…

Sunny C. Reed

Answer the Phone!

“Mom! Meggie is calling you!” I am hastily re-organizing the kids bedroom when my eight yr old runs in and shoves the phone in my hand. I can answer or wait until later and call her back. “She's your sister, answer the phone!” shouts one voice in my head. The other voice says “ Call her back when you actually have time to listen.” I know full well choosing B does not promise Meg an actual call back tonight, maybe a text, maybe. The phone continues playing the song that tells me it's Meggie.

“If I answer this room will not be organized before bedtime and the kids will have no idea where their underwear are in the morning and.... oh never mind, Hey Meg!” I hear small sniffles from the other end and a strained voice says “ Can I come visit you?” Whew! I almost blew that one. For whatever reason it was me who my littlest sister needed at this moment. Had I not answered, she may have called someone else, but I was the one she wanted comfort from.

Meggie was feeling horribly lonely. Married only a year her husband was working long hours, days and nights as a firefighter to help them get ahead. Of course I said yes, and a few days later I had 3 days with my little sister along side me while I did Mom stuff. She made me laugh and helped homework/dinner times go much more smoothly.

I am honored to be the biggest sister to my two younger sisters. Meggie is 12 years younger than me and Whitney 4. I have a special bond with both. The older I get the more serious I take my job as oldest sis. If I didn't they would likely find other people to fill in but no one can be their big sis exactly like I can. It's not about being in charge of them, like when we were little and Mom and Dad went on Date Nights. Or about giving them rides, or protecting them from mean girls. My role now is more about cherishing them. I can encourage, listen, and dote on. Our mother can do all these and my sisters lack nothing in the way of a nourishing supporting mother. However, when they are sad and want to cry with someone ,or lonely and seek companionship I delight in giving them these things.

 fun picnic in Corpus

 Meg's Wedding

 Lovely Whitney, not so lovely me

 Mom's Carnival Party

Making biscuits with Mama and girls at Meg's new house.  

I am sort of jealous of Whitney, the middle sis, because she is able to be both little sister and big sister. I have no idea what it would be like to have an older sister, but something tells me I was not cut out for that as the whole having someone boss me around sounds horrible. My little sisters take my bossing with gracious smiles and now and then they will narrow their eyes or even roll them. Now that I am thirty six I have learned that those eyes mean I had better stop or they are going to stop letting me be in charge. As we have gotten older I certainly am not actually in charge when we are together, all the time. During my parents recent divorce, Whitney took the lead on hard confrontations and was also the leader in peace making get- togethers. Meggie is our gal when it's time to plan an event. She makes any gathering a wild fun party complete with decorations and activities that are actually fun. She also is a hoot so one is never left feeling dry or prudish after being with her as she will make your stomach ache from laughing which is the best medicine for feeling dried up. That said, both girls make me feel as though they need me and want me close. I am not as sweet or funny or creative as either one of them, but I am their big sister and when they call I hope I always answer.   

Strangers in Church

Something I'm enjoying about going to a new big church is getting to sit inches from strangers. Lucky for me so far everyone has been of good hygiene and has a concept of personal space. It's fun to try and get a feel for a person just sitting by them. I desperately want to give each person a good stare in the face but this might take away from the fun. While sitting by them I can smell their cologne , get a good look at their shoes and most of the time hear their voice during worship. I really love it when the stranger sings their heart out. I always want to say “ thank you for letting me in on that !” There is no other place I know of where people stand and worship their creator amongst strangers. I can learn a lot from the stranger's shoes, smell, and voice . Sometimes women dig around in their purses and this is also very enlightening. I never look in the purse but the general size of purse and time it takes them to find what they need give me a lot to go on. If a stranger is alone and I am alone, there is a strong sense of their presence and mine I think.

Today I sat by a very small lady with a cast on one foot. She wore socks and clogs on the other foot. I am very drawn to women who where socks and clogs. It's like they are saying to the world. “Yeah, I know boots are in style but I don't care I want to be warm and comfortable!” I admire it. So this tiny lady wore jeans and a sweater , she had very curly hair and glasses. What I wasn't expecting was the huge fantastic voice that came out of her. It was amazing. For several songs I just shut my eyes and listened. When the message began she quick pulled out a kindle which had her bible on it and even took notes on it. No frills,no extra notebooks or pens. She had it put away and her coat on and her simple but classy leather purse on her shoulder before the last song was over. I was still fumbling with my coat , trying to put away my pen and keep by purse from falling off my arm during the last song. When the service was over I had to tell her how much I enjoyed her singing. She looked at me humbly and said “Oh thanks.” She had an angelic face. It was fun to have attributed all these great characteristics toward her before even knowing she was beautiful in the face, she was already beautiful to me.