"It is when we stop actively loving Him, that we find ourselves restless and gravitating toward other means of fulfillment."  - Fancis Chan,   Crazy Love.

It is easy for me to say I love Jesus.  I feel honest when I say " His is my everything."  I have grown up on the principal that He is everything and without Him everything else is meaningless.  So, I know this. Just like my tween daughter would say with confidence that her dad and I love her,  but in a split second one might also hear her telling her best friend that we are ruining her life.  What she knows in her heart doesn't always come out in her actions. What I know in my heart about Jesus isn't actively lived out either.  My humanity seeks fulfilment from outside sources, ALL THE TIME.  I want  friends who like me and make me feel good about myself, a clean car, a cup of coffee, a hot bath, a few minutes alone, great highlights, a little shopping trip, white teeth, a clean diet, a piece of dark chocolate, a girls' night, a quick nap, a long walk, a manicure, a new shirt, a compliment from my husband, a few pita chips, a new pair of tennis shoes, a glass of wine and on and on and on.  Not one of these things are bad in and of themselves. But so much of the time I seek them out before I seek out Jesus.  If I believe He is the bread of life, the giver of all good things, the Prince of peace, why do I let my humanity win 99% of the time?  Not one of those things can touch what Jesus can and wants to give me.

That being said I committed on Monday morning to let Him and Him alone fill me up this week.   To just see what happens when I go to Him only to satisfy.  I was doing a pretty good job but just as Francis Chan said, as soon as I stopped actively pursing Him, I wanted something.  I was not surprised when my husband ask me Tues morning if I wanted to fast.  We needed God's wisdom on a few issues and this is my husbands' regular practice when He really needs to hear God.  I, on the other hand do not regularly practice anything as awful as not eating.  I don't regularly practice anything that I don't enjoy.  I knew this was Gods' way of showing me how He really could give me all I need and more.
Well, it's 2:30 Tuesday afternoon and I have one answer and would really like about three more.  Mostly though, I am clear headed.  I feel God's presence much stronger than normal, especially when my stomach rumbles.  I don't expect any big miracles from today, but I feel great knowing I'm obeying God.  My heart is at peace which as any overly self reflective person knows is quite miraculous.  It is freeing to know that all I need I already have.  Lunch and coffee sound good but I know after I consumed them I would be right back to wanting something else in a matter of hours maybe minutes.  No more , more. Today He is it.  He is freeing me.